Today turned into a very retrospective day for me. It started out as a regular Sunday, Then Church happened. Then a question not related to church happened, Then a question from a friend happened. Gasp, Did I say that on an Internet blog? Yep, Oh No Mr. Bill you might offend someone. I think not, not this post, not today. The questions were about the same thing and they made me stop and think and type.
For the last three weeks my day has revolved around the health and welfare of my sweet husband and my dear mother. I have spent more time in the hospital watching them breath than all the times I have been in the hospital put together. It does something to you, watching the people you love fighting for life and all the while all you can do is be there, holding a hand full of tubes and probes, try to encourage, swab a tongue that looks like it has walked a hundred miles in the desert, feeding ice chips. Knowing how fragile their lives are there while I sit there, just watching and praying and trying to be strong. Life can make us feel like we are the Lone tree, but we are not. I am not
The first question came from church, What are your treasures. The answer is your treasure is what you invest your life time and money into. Pretty simple. But I had to think is my treasure something that will help me get to heaven and help the people I love get there? Or will it hinder? Treasures yield dividends, do those dividends bless only myself, or do they bless others? And that led to the Question;
What I Am really all about? You know, "you know a tree by it's fruit," so what am I producing? I take my life seriously, I only have one. Since I was too dumb in math I was never able to join the Peace Corps. That was a big disappointment in my 13 year old life : I would never be able to go to Africa because I couldn't do Algebra. I never felt I would be able to really offer something to make peoples' lives better. Even Now many years later I love being a wife and a mother, but there is still more. Because I'm not just one tree, I'm not just two trees, I am this:
I am part of a Forest, mingling roots and branches climbing upward, reaching for the Perfect. You are that too.
The third question came from a fellow card maker about the quantity of stamps she owned and about her battle with depression. I am going to share that here. My friend told me she was suffering from depression and could no longer take meds for it, but how card making helped her,
"I am so sorry you had seizures from the medications, but they may have been a blessing in disguise. I think creating and gifting are a sweet healthy way to help heal depression. Depression comes from our focus being locked on a problem or injury, with a little bit of time those things can heal, except when we take meds for them, then they aren't allowed to go through the normal process of healing: hurt, anger, healing and restoration. The purpose of the meds is to break the focus of the problem. But what it ends up doing is never releasing you from it. The meds never change anything, it just alters the focus. Without the meds, you focus, you heal, you restore. Medications leaves you in stage one . Crafting and giving help you heal and the restoration comes. Giving naturally breaks the focus, allowing you to move away from the cause of the depression. I know, been there and as they say done that. Abusive father, Abusive husband, divorce, money problems, feeling alone and abandoned (because I was). I was told I was depressed (who wouldn't be) and that I should go on meds to help me cope. I realized I did not want to cope with this trash I wanted to walk away from it and free my life up. And I did, that was almost 20 years ago. This October I will have been married to a wonderful man for 10 years , my kids are grown and doing well! Every life will go through seasons some are great some are not, but they all pass, it is our choice who we become because of them! I choose Joy! I pursue it! The drugs they are so quick to hand out are so toxic and dangerous, as you know !! Dear Friend you have a very special gift to share and bless people with! What you are doing is so important, you are helping yourself and helping others. You may never really even know how much good you are doing, Every card we make with love and beauty is a great blessing we give to someone."
I wrote all this because of this week of facing life and death, I also faced who was I really and what am I really all about. I have the power to use the gifts God gave me for the purpose He would carve in my life. He held my hand in the valley of dispair and got me through. Leaning on Him and Learning about Him the whole way. Card making and writing are part of my purpose in this season of my life, I can't do algebra but I can pray for you and write to you and tell you to hang on, better days are coming and most importantly I can 'be a tree planted by the water' my roots and branches mingling, giving strength, even if it is in ice chips or cards.
So now I ask you; What are your treasures, What are you all about? Do you suffer from depression? Then if you do the anwser is in Him and in giving and blessing others as you are blessed, He brings the healing and through acts of love you tip the scales and cause restoration.
God Bless you abundantly,